God presents: Liam Hemsworth vs. the lesbian werewolf

Dig out your gaudiest strides and don your silliest hat, because this afternoon finds us clambering aboard the nutty train. We have a triple-helping of Tinseltown oddness for you, with news on a threesome of strangely brewing productions. The participants in this vortex of zaniness? The Good Lord himself, Hemsworth the younger, and an amorous teen lycanthrope.

Let's open up with the big guns. God, giving it to you, both barrels - all over the big screen. Ka-boom! Yes, the geniuses over at Paramount have decided they are the ones best placed to give the Big G the full cinematic treatment, and have consequently teamed up with effects house Reel FX in order that book one of the Bible, Genesis, can be turned into a brand new feature. Assuming they haven't accidentally printed a yarn from their April Fool drawer three weeks early, Deadline Hollywood have the scoop that a budget and creative team are already in place for In the Beginning (that is indeed the chosen title. Though they could have also have gone with Once Upon a Time), with TV man David Cunningham directing and John Fusco (Hidalgo) scripting. The budget is set at $30m, which might seem fairly modest for a movie that has to depict the creation of the entire world, but what the hey? - I guess Paramount figure they'll make some cash back on the costuming (or lack of it). And as is now the law in Hollywood - enforceable by penalty of death, or at least being invited to the same post-Oscars party as Eli Roth and Peaches Geldof - In the Beginning will be photographed in 3D.

No word on who will be playing God yet, although plenty of actors have previously taken a swing at portraying the Big G on celluloid – from Morgan Freeman in Bruce Almighty, to Alanis Morissette in Dogma, to Rex Ingram as “De Lawd” in the ancient Green Pastures, and Ralph Richardson as an agnostic-friendly Supreme Being in Time Bandits. It is hard to guess which episodes from Genesis will be bundled up in In the Beginning, but this writer would like to see Noah and his Ark in there somewhere. We could open with some Day After Tomorrow-type cataclysmic flooding, with Noz and his homies getting the ferry doors shut just in the nick of time. Then from that disaster narrowly avoided the tone would shift, as Noah and his boatload of animals got on with the business of renewing the populace, over the course of 40 lazy days and 40 steamy nights. It would be kinda like The Love Boat meets Walerian Borowczyk's The Beast. A ruddy great winner in other words.

One other story strand Paramount may also wish to explore for In the Beginning is that of scrapping siblings Cain and Abel. And if they were to look for some wholesome actors to play those two fraternal foes, then they could not wish for a hotter-right-now pair than Chris and Liam Hemsworth. The former you will already be aware of, thanks to his appearance as Dad Kirk in Star Trek, his casting as Thor in the 2011 Marvel Comics movie of the same name, and maybe even his turn in the biscuit-taking comedy-thriller Ca$h. However the junior of the Hemsworth brothers (there are three apparently. You have been warned) is more of an unknown quantity, with most of the chatter about him to date being concerned less with his acting and more with his relationship with The Last Song co-star Miley Cyrus (news just in people, they ARE dating! Miley confirmed it at the Oscars on Sunday. Not from the stage. If she had the show ratings might have been better).

And with Miley on his arm, like a perma-smiling show biz replicant, Liam Hemsworth is ready to step up his film career too. Heat Vision reports he is due to star in Arabian Nights for The Mask and Eraser director Chuck Russell, which will shoot from a script by Russell and Barry P. Ambrose. The story, such as it is, supposedly revolves around 'a young commander [the role to be taken by Hemsworth] who, after his king is murdered in a coup, joins forces with Sinbad, Ali Baba and the Genie from the magic lamp to rescue the queen, Scheherazade'. If that doesn't sound winning enough then dig this, Arabian Nights will be shot in – yes! 3D! Hoo-flipping-ray. Pass the cyanide.

Inferno Entertainment are the folks behind Russell's Arabian Nights, and another project currently on their slate is Joe Carnahan's The Grey, in which Bradley Cooper will seek to evade being ripped limb from limb by some people who sat through the boorish, thoroughly unpleasant comic black hole that was The Hangover... sorry, no, got that wrong – Bradley Cooper will seek to evade being ripped limb from limb by a pack of wolves (who may or may not have sat through the boorish, thoroughly unpleasant comic black hole that was The Hangover). Anyway, as providence would have it, the third and final of our little movie news snippets is a bit of wolfy business, as we move onto the long-gestating supernatural project with the less-than supernatural title, Jack & Diane. There is fresh casting news today, courtesy of Bloody Disgusting, but before we get into that, let us just relay some plot to you:

'In the film Jack and Diane, two teenage girls, meet in New York City and spend the night kissing ferociously. Diane's charming innocence quickly begins to open Jack's tough skinned heart. But, when Jack discovers that Diane is leaving the country in a week she tries to push her away. Diane must struggle to keep their love alive while hiding the secret that her newly awakened sexual desire is giving her werewolf-like visions.'

A bit Ginger Snaps maybe? Plus, werewolves are currently ranked number four in the Indie Movies office list of 'Things We Are Sick of Movies Being Made About', right after vampires, comic book characters, and zombies. Jack & Diane had been mooted as a possible reunion for Juno stars Ellen Page and Olivia Thirlby, before Page bailed out, and was replaced by Alison Pill (Kim Pine in Edgar Wright's upcoming not-gonna-talk-about-it-'cause-we-don't-want-to-be-sick-to-death-of-it-by-the-time-it-actually-comes-out Scott Pilgrim vs. the World). Well, Pill has apparently gone too now, with Juno Temple (Notes on a Scandal, Atonement) the newest name in the frame as Diane, while Thirlby is still attached as Jack. Which, with shooting due to commence in May, is how you would expect the casting situation to remain. Bradley Rust Grey (The Exploding Girl) is directing from his own script, and he will surely be hoping that lesbian werewolves can prove a bigger success with the public than Lesbian Vampire Killers.