Sony trap Webb in their Spider (Man)

After seven days of whispers and nudges and sly winks and teasing innuendo, Sony Pictures have now confirmed that their Spider-Man reboot will be directed by Marc Webb, the man responsible for last year's acclaimed/puerile and unpleasant (delete as you feel applicable) romance flick (500) Days of Summer.

Yes, no sooner had we finally (finally!) buried the spiralling saga of the Sam Raimi-directed Spider-Man 4 that never was, than Sony – with all the indecent haste of a widower humping his next-door neighbour under the bare cover of the snacks 'n' drinks table at his dead wife's wake - announce that director Webb has been selected as the man to inject fresh life into their spectacularly profitable superhero franchise. Here are the edited bits of the press release that made the deal public:

'Marc Webb, the director of the Golden Globes-nominated Best Picture (500) Days of Summer, will direct the next chapter in the Spider-Man franchise, set to hit theaters summer 2012'.

'Written by James Vanderbilt, Webb will work closely with producers Avi Arad and Laura Ziskin in developing the project, which will begin production later this year'.

'Commentating on the announcement, Amy Pascal, co-chairman of Sony Pictures Entertainment, and Matt Tolmach, president of Columbia Pictures, said (what, both of them? Simultaneously? Like a couple of high-rolling Midwich Cuckoos?), “At its core, Spider-Man is a small, intimate human story about an everyday teenager that takes place in an epic super-human world... we wanted someone who could capture the awe of being in Peter’s shoes so the audience could experience his sense of discovery while giving real heart to the emotion, anxiety, and recklessness of that age and coupling all of that with the adrenaline of Spider-Man’s adventure.'

'Webb said, “This is a dream come true and I couldn't be more aware of the challenge, responsibility, or opportunity. Sam Raimi's virtuoso rendering of Spider-Man is a humbling precedent to follow and build upon. The first three films are beloved for good reason (er, check again with that third one Webby). But I think the Spider-Man mythology transcends not only generations but directors as well. I am signing on not to 'take over' from Sam. That would be impossible. Not to mention arrogant. I'm here because there's an opportunity for ideas, stories, and histories that will add a new dimension, canvas, and creative voice to Spider-Man.”'

Deadline Hollywood have illuminated the path on most of the Sony/Spider-Man brouhaha that has been such a dominant movie news story so far in 2010, and they were originally tipping Webb as Sony's choice to reinvigorate the costumed adventures of Peter Parker almost as soon as it had been announced that Sam Raimi had abandoned the project. When DH announced Webb's confirmation yesterday, they also moved to refute the story which had appeared earlier on New York Magazine'sVulture strand, suggesting that the (500) Days director was locked into a three Spider-film cycle, with him being paid $10m for his work on the first instalment. Obviously internet outlets arguing the toss is news on a par with bears unloading their bowels in forested areas, but it seems worth a mention just to reproduce this tittersome line from the Vulture story, regarding the high esteem in which Amy Pascal apparently holds Marc Webb: 'She views him as a latter-day Cameron Crowe for the economically and socially angsty Generation Y'.

A 'latter-day Cameron Crowe'? We're talking the dude who made Singles and Vanilla Sky here, right? Not Rabelais or Henry James. As for his rapport with 'the economically and socially angsty Generation Y' - writing as a member of that particular demographic, there is surely no way we could be any more ludicrously overindulged by social chroniclers than we are already, even if every single one of us had our personal cabal of swooning biographers who followed us round twenty-four hours a day, in the manner of Sir Robin's minstrels from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

And seeing as we are dancing round the perimeter of the topic already, what of (500) Days of Summer, the Golden Globe-nominated debut feature from music video helmer Webb which has apparently gone down such a storm with the public and critics alike, and led him to landing the mammoth Spider-Man gig? Here's what one (slightly miserable) Indie Movies scribe said about it very recently (I'll give you a clue to their identity. They are the one typing this article):

'Ugh, (500) Days of Summer. What irked me about that movie (well, one of many things) was that it wasn't even a case of audiences just gormlessly embracing a crappy film without thinking about it – as they would a Transformers or X-Men flick. They actually seemed to think they were being discerning by professing a liking for it – that it stood for something in the face of Hollywood corporatism gone crazy, as opposed to simply being a manure-built trojan horse, designed to extract cash from suckers who want to jump Zooey Deschanel's bones and who labour under the delusion that listening to the Smiths makes them doyens of alternative culture.'

So there we are. Man makes overrated film. Studio hire him to steer biggest movie franchise in world. That is the story of how Marc Webb and Spider-Man got it together. Now hopefully we can all forget about it for a while. Till Webb and Sony announce their casting anyway. Then the madness will begin anew.